Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is wine microwaveable?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
