I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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