Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
