I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
