When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
