i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i've created a new STD.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
