ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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