Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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