I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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