Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
