Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
