Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
