Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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