mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
