just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
