I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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