he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
