thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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