You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
