Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way

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(503): View more from Oregon

You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.

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(443): View more from Maryland

a queef is a wish your heart makes.

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(713): View more from Texas

you win again, gameday.

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(720): View more from Colorado

ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.

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(770): View more from Georgia

That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

I'll google it

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(260): View more from Indiana

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

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(303): View more from Colorado

When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying

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