If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
