So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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