I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
