Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
