Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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