oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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