yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
