So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
