so that wasnt chicken after all
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
