Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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