I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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