Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
