Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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