Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i barfeds in our rink
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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