I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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