if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
