just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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