Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
