I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
