Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize