I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
