I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
