Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
