Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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