can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
