i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
