New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
