Don't make out with my wife yet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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