I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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