does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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