sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.