We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i barfeds in our rink
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's never too late to be topless.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe