So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.