So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
