I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
