Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
