just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
