Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
