i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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