Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
