dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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