he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
