No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
