The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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