i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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