I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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