Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
