he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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