dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk is not a location!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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