The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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