There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
