He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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