We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
